FIX IT: Give Them the Tools. 

As parents, we want to help. It’s almost instinctive. We see our kids struggling with something and immediately start thinking about how we can make it better.

A tough game. A bad grade. A disagreement with a friend. A coach they don’t understand. A mistake they made or a decision they wish they could take back.

We have experience they don’t have. We’ve probably made some version of the same mistake ourselves. So we think we know what they should do.

And that’s exactly where parenting gets difficult.

Because sometimes the best thing we can do for our kids isn’t to fix it for them. It’s to give them the tools to FIX IT themselves.

Give Them the Tools

I’ve used the words “Fix It” with my kids for years. On the surface, it sounds like a sports phrase.

Something isn’t working during a game? Recognize it. Adjust. Fix it.

But the older my kids have gotten, the more I’ve realized the phrase was never really about sports. It was about developing a process.

Our job as parents isn’t to provide the answer to every problem our kids encounter. It’s to help give them the tools they’ll eventually need when we aren’t there to provide the answer.

How do you prepare? How do you communicate? How do you manage your time? How do you respond when something doesn’t go your way? How do you recognize what’s within your control and what isn’t?

And when the first plan doesn’t work, how do you adjust?

Those are tools.

Sports just happen to give our kids an incredible place to practice using them.

Help Them Build THEIR Process

This part matters: their process, not ours.

I’ve got five daughters, and one thing parenting has made very clear is that what works for one kid isn’t necessarily going to work for another.

One might want to talk through a problem immediately. Another might need time to think about it first. One might prepare by making a detailed plan, while another has a completely different way of organizing things that works perfectly well for her.

That’s okay.

The goal isn’t to create a smaller version of ourselves. It’s to help our kids understand themselves well enough to develop a process that works for them.

We can provide structure, ask questions, share experiences and point out things they may not see yet.

But eventually, they have to own the process.

Don’t Steal the Struggle

Watching your kid struggle isn’t fun. And if we know the answer, why wouldn’t we just give it to them?

Because sometimes the struggle is the lesson.

That doesn’t mean manufacturing adversity or leaving a kid alone when they genuinely need help. It means recognizing that a setback doesn’t automatically require a parent to step in and remove it.

Sometimes our role is to be there and ask:

What happened?
Why do you think it happened?
What can you control?
What could you change?
What are you going to do differently next time?

Then listen.

They might surprise you. And sometimes they’ll get it wrong.

That’s okay too.

A kid who gets every decision right because a parent is making the decisions isn’t necessarily becoming more independent. A kid who makes a decision, experiences the result, evaluates it and adjusts is developing a process they can use for the rest of their life.

Sports Are Practice for Something Bigger

This is one of the reasons I love youth sports. The games matter. The competition matters. Winning is fun, and losing isn’t.

But none of those things are ultimately the biggest win.

Sports give our kids thousands of small opportunities to practice handling things they’ll encounter later in life.

They’ll have a teammate they don’t agree with. Someday it might be a coworker.

They’ll have a coach who makes a decision they don’t like. Someday it might be a boss.

They’ll prepare hard and still lose. Someday they’ll work hard and still not get the job, promotion or opportunity.

And they’ll make mistakes in important moments. That definitely won’t stop when the games end.

We can’t prevent all of those things from happening. What we can do is help our kids develop the tools and confidence to handle them when they do.

Being Present Doesn’t Mean Doing It for Them

There’s an important distinction here.

“Fix It” doesn’t mean “you’re on your own.”

Being present might mean helping them prepare. It might mean asking questions. It might mean listening to them vent on the drive home without immediately offering a solution.

It could mean sharing a mistake you made at their age or encouraging them when they’re doubting themselves.

And sometimes being present means standing a few feet back and giving them enough space to figure it out.

That’s still parenting. That’s still coaching.

That’s still showing up.

Eventually, It’s Their Story

There’s going to be a day when we aren’t standing beside them. There won’t always be a parent in the stands, a coach calling the next play or someone telling them what the right answer is.

And that’s the point.

We aren’t trying to raise kids who always need us to solve the next problem. We’re trying to raise young people who can look at what’s in front of them, assess it, make a decision, adjust when necessary and keep moving forward.

Give them the tools. Help them build THEIR process. Let them struggle sometimes. Let them succeed. Let them fail.

Stay close enough that they know you’re there.

But give them enough room to learn how to—

FIX IT.

The game is part of the journey. Who they become is the win.

Be Present. For all of it.

DOACH LIFE
Dad + Coach = DOACH

DoachLife.com